Rancid Monke

Southgate Mall Food Court – I have to say, this is the closest I have ever been to using an executive washroom.  The stalls were spacious and had a nice dark wood veneer.  The stall was nicely tiled and had no graffiti (although this did leave me with nothing to read). There was a little shelf behind the toilet to place my bags or coat or firearms or what have you.  The sink had hands-free soap dispensers, and hands-free taps to prevent me having to associate with other people’s bacteria.  They had hand dryers which is still a cruel trick to play on your patrons but at least they were the high speed ones that sound like a jet engine, plus it turns out they have hands free paper towel dispensers over top of the sinks that I was just to transfixed to notice.  All in all it was a tip top experience and my only regret was that I didn’t bring a book.  I really recommend that if you plan on stopping by this bathroom that you do so before the unwashed masses have sullied it with bawdy limericks and requests to call a certain number for a good time.  Also take the time to enjoy it, bring the kids, pack a lunch, make a day of it.

West Edmonton Mall by the Security Office and the Exit to the Buses –  This one used to be a bit more classy but after existing in West Ed for so long it lost some of it’s shine and gained more than a little graffiti.  Still when nature calls mid shopping trip you could do a lot worse. So right off the bat I usually skip the regular stalls.  There is only enough space to enter, drop trou, do your business and  exit.  Luckily the handicapped stall(or differently abled or handi capable…whatever offends you the least) was designed for people bringing their own hospital bed.  You could park a smart car in there and still get around it.  Some might consider it in poor taste to use a handicapped stall but I figure the statistical likelihood that someone in a wheelchair shows up in that particular washroom at the precise moment I am sitting there is small enough that I will do my business in peace and comfort thank you very much.  So far that has only backfired on me once and I was lucky enough to sneak out while his back was turned.

Any Public Washroom Downtown – Just pee your pants…it will be more sanitary.

Whyte Ave – Even the municipal government has given up and agreed that you may as well pee in the street.  It was certainly nice of them to drop off the Rubbermaid urinals, but odds are most bar patrons will still just find the closest wall, lamp post or mailbox.  This is why all my pay stubs from the last job ended up smudged and soggy.

I guess I will update this as I continue on my quest for bladder relief.  Any comments or suggestions for top flight public restrooms are more than welcome.

Rancid Monke